The often-skipped and avoided topic – the friend zone. Many times skipping the topic is as a result of bruised egos and untrue fantasies. The question remains more often than not “why do some guys (especially the ‘good’ guys) end up being friendzoned?”. 

First of all, before I list out what makes a guy friendzoned, I have to make work on certain assumptions:

Assumption: I am referring to LADIES, with a capital “L”, NOT “slay queens”, or “k-legged-picture-snapping”, or “duck-faced pouting-lipped, adventure-seeking” girls. I’m talking about a “Lady” in every import and significance of the word.


A guy being ignored

8 things guys do that makes them end up in the friend zone are:

1) Being overly desperate

Please dude, calm down. Man to man, bro. Don’t, under any circumstance appear desperate to a lady. For real, you got her phone number by 7pm today, you call her by 10pm the same day saying “I just want to hear your voice”. Then the next morning, you call by 6:30 am screaming “I wanted to be the first to tell you good morning”. Really?

That’s desperation. And EVERY lady smells that from a mile away. Curb your libido, if you have an ulterior motive. Take a chill pill. Let it flow.

Some guys take it to a possessive extent. How do I mean? I have overhead a guy asking, albeit very not-so-nicely, “Why are you not picking my calls? I have been calling you”. I stopped in my tracks as if hit by a thunderbolt. Who is she to you? That’s being overly desperate and it may send a wrong signal – ending you in the ever ‘blessed’ friend zone.

2) Not being cool

Although vague, being “cool” connotes a lot. For starters, dress well, smile widely, act confidently. Some are blessed with these traits, others (like me) have to learn it along life’s cruel way.

Every lady wants to be proud of her man. You may be “good”, whatever that means, but without having that “cool” air, you have a permanent visa in that awesome abode – the friend zone.

3) Telling her that you’re looking for a girlfriend

Or worse, a wife! For the love of whatever you hold dear and worship, in your wildest of dreams, don’t ever suggest, infer, and whatever adjective that you can muster, tell a lady you are interested in that you are looking for a girlfriend or wife. I’m on my knees right now, no jokes.

This is something different from just desperation. This is a generational union, where hands have joined hands to assure you of a long-lasting embarrassment and an everlasting abode in the friend zone country.

4) Talking about your work, office, friends, politics, etc.

Believe me, I understand the temptation. The temptation to rant to no end. “My father has three old cars and one new one. He sold two to buy me one other car, and now….”. Can you please, shut it! Seriously now.

There are several dangers of speaking first, especially if you are the one that generated interest. 

One is, “mis-talking”, and the other person obviously getting bored at your endless rants.

Two  is in appearing self-centered or selfish, if you may. Even in a business environment, when you try to woo a client, you don’t do most of the talking. You ask questions that arouses interest and attraction, FIRST. And then you can go for the kill.

5) Believing money is everything

You will definitely end up a maga. I mean, completely maga-ed. Many times, guys shelve their insecurity in talking or asking a lady out to lack of funds. Wait, in the first instance, don’t be broke, but that is not my point.

Every lady has the ability of looking within. At this point, DO NOT forget my assumption – a lady, not a slay queen. My lady for one (glancing left and right) already fell for me when I was still struggling with passing a semester course. 

The problem with putting financial opulence as the number one priority is that you end up setting a bad, no, a negative precedence. You are a cash machine bro, so don’t take offence when you are being treated as one.

Believe me, a lot of rich guys have been friend zoned.

6) Apologizing too much to a girl about any of your remarks

It’s in the movies – the glorious act of chivalry. However, chivalry has boundaries. To avoid being misunderstood, Let me clarify what I mean. 

Look at this scenario:

“Hey Josh, why didn’t you pick my call when I called?”, she asks. 

I’m sorry“, he says, “won’t do that next time“. (This is okay. In fact, perfect).

A short while later, “Josh you forgot to close the door”.

He answers, “I’m sorry dear“. (This has gone too far).

It isn’t wrong per se, but it’s perfectly “friendzonable”. A noble prize will suffice.

A lady needs her man to be strong, to be firm. To make, in some cases life-critical or mission-critical decisions not a “brother”.

Talking from experience friend, reduce the apologies.

This leads me to the seventh point,

7) Involving in premature romance

Please save the “dears”and “darlings”for a later time. Ladies call their friends that as a normalcy. Don’t become just another of her friends. Create a connection first, let the “dears”and “honeys”come later.

I’m not a lady but I can imagine the disgust in that lady’s face when the guy told her “Baby, how are you?”. I wept on his behalf.

8) Not being specific in your compliments

Now, this is a point that only a few wonderfully-crafted males know. Don’t ever generalize in your compliments. Be specific.

Let me give you a perspective. What makes you stand out from the ever teeming crowd of suitors is easily, not being like them. For example, when you see a beautiful lady and you want to say, “hey, you are beautiful”, stop in your tracks and listen to this word of wisdom. Haha.

Be specific in your compliments. Every beautiful lady receives at least 200 messages (don’t doubt my statistics) of her beauty per day. Telling her doesn’t add any tinge to her heart beat. 

Look for something that no one compliments. And you can only do this by being observant. Compliment for instance, “I like the way you hold your bag”. Beeeeh. It doesn’t sound fun to you. But you may not be aware, no one has given her that sorta compliment before.

She goes home looking for a mirror, wearing that bag. The next time you see her, probably say, “where is that bag?”, depending on her mood of course, a connection has been formed.

Do you have any other thing to add friend?